Sharon
I was delighted with Sharon's positive and enthusiastic feedback. She was pleased to see I had taken on and developed any previous suggestions, to push myself to achieve a film we were both proud of. I found it very motivating to hear that she felt I was talented in a variety of areas, including editing, styling and makeup, making me consider applying for a Masters in either Creative Direction or Film.
Sharon suggested I removed the clips representing She's flashbacks, because they looked very out of place, as they were the only clips filmed outside the studio, with bright lighting, and she didn't feel they complemented the studio's dramatic low lighting. I had initially wanted to include these to show She looking back at how incidents of discrimination in the past to fuel her frustration at her unfair treatment. However, I felt the bright lighting indicated they were positive flashbacks, which I was concerned the viewers would find confusing. I therefore decided to remove all the flashback clips.
Sharon showed me an extract from the stop motion Alice by Jan Svankmajer (1988) to illustrate the use of sound effects to emphasise the movement of materials and objects. She felt this would complement the controlled and slow movement of the models in the final scene by adding an organic sound to contrast with the surrounding silence. I was excited to experiment with recording these sound effects to add to my film as I thought it would make my models come to life.
(Svankmajer, 1988)
Three other suggestions Sharon made were to add a subtle hum in the background of the opening scene to eliminate the stark silence; add a close-up of Natalie's face (She) in the slow initial dance scene to draw attention to her crisp and minimalist makeup; and increase the whispering to a crescendo in the very last clip of She, as she felt without this it was an anti-climax, as she was left waiting for something to happen. I could understand Sharon's rationale for all the changes and implemented these improvements.
Finally, Sharon gave me feedback on my 300 word descriptive statement. She suggested putting more emphasis on working with The Sophie Lancaster Foundation, explaining more clearly why I had chosen my age demographic and condensing my film synopsis, leaving the audience to discover more of the meaning for themselves.
Sebastiane
Sebastiane was particularly pleased with the strong imagery and the effective use of sound, including the clapping in the final scene, which he felt was reminiscent of Steve Reich's Clapping Music, and electrical interference in the first scene. He felt I should continue the use of electrical interference, through both visuals and sound, to continue the feeling of being watched by a camera and for an unsettling element to keep the viewers engaged and on edge. He suggested including these in the final scene, however this scene was intended to reflect She's freedom from being watched, as she feels accepted by a member of society, and I felt the absence of these electrical noises would mirror her more relaxed and unrestricted state. I did feel their inclusion would work in the second scene and also in the end clip of the final scene, when She reverts back to feeling judged and being watched, and added the interference to these sections.
Sebstiane was concerned the music in the second scene was too dominant, taking away from the scene's emotion and putting it in a music video context. He said he felt the strong regular beats in the music gave stability and would make the viewer feel more relaxed, losing the model's sense of frustration. He suggested I used the same technique of emphasising the sound of the model's movement, as it would give a more organic sound, as if it were coming directly from the footage rather than the music being artificially laid on top. I was concerned that only using sound effects throughout would not heighten the escalating sense of frustration in the scene. Therefore, after discussing with Sharon, I decided to lower the volume of the background music and reduce the strong beats to only leave the unsettling ticking and whining, and then layer exaggerated material sound effects on top to continue the avant-garde feel. I am excited to experiment with recording these sound effects and combining them with my updated music.
Sebastiane's final suggestion was including intermittent flashes of She in her final white caged styling in the second scene to help the viewers link the two characters as one. He said he felt the last scene was too separate and it wasn't clear enough that it was a progression of the same character, which I understood, and therefore will rectify. I also felt that quick flashes of She imagining herself as accepted and confident during her frustrated state led well to the subsequent final scene of her free and welcomed by society.
References:
SVANKMAJER, 1988. Alice [viewed 27th April 2017]. Available from: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h2y0Vu-Yq1U
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